There are times when I want to go back in time and repeat a lot of things that I have done.
The things that made me very happy..
And yet, there are times that I do not even want to remember some things.
2010 is my year.
And now, I didn't realize that it is about to end in a few hours.
Personal growth has its price. Who says it's so easy to get?
Nonetheless, I did it without complains.
This 2010, I learned one of the hardest lessons in life- growing up.
I tend to hold on to things that used to matter and I used to dwell & wallow myself in things that hurt.
Like a kid, I also had my tantrum days.
Out of the blue, I would cry.
I would laugh.
I would joke around.
And all sorts of "me" with no precautions.
Things were never easy for me and yet, I am convinced that life is beautiful no matter how painful it may seem.
As I write this message, I'm beginning to realize that I should let go of the gray days and look on the brighter side of life.
Absurd as it may seem but I enjoyed those times where I would just sit down at Coffee Bean and think of all the could-have-beens.
And in between those loner days at CB, I became that one person I thought I would never be- patient and independent.
I have met a lot of people whom I consider as my diamonds, my gems, my precious ones.
These people never let go of my hand through out the struggle and what not of 2010.
And I will not let go of them. NEVER. :)
If not for them, I would never understand and appreciate what life has offered me- LOVE.
Love is so easy to give and yet so hard to forget.
It'll make your world go around and make you stumble down.
And in between those thorny situations, you'll just realize how bittersweet giving and receiving love is.
You may not like it at first, but along the way, you'll get used to it and you'll realize that, fuck, this is love.
Earlier this year, I spent a lot of time praying to God who, until then, had seemed remote.
I never lost hope and faith that happiness would pass by me one day.
Lo and behold, He gave me a family. A family not only in krump, but also in real life.
He gave me brothers & sisters, a best friend, a son, and a daughter in Skittlez.
And He gave me courage to stand up and to believe that I am worth loving and admiring.
Time was very quick.
I may feel stagnant at most times, but I'm pretty sure that I have learned and understood all the lessons life has given me.
I know where to pick small pieces of me that that were once scattered on the floor.
I am heading to a place where I know would make me a better person.
I have answered all the questions that were once left unanswered.
Right now, as 2010 is about to reach its final count, I realized that I never lost anything.
Not a single thing. I gained a lot. Way more than I expected...
Actually, wounds were healed and shattered pieces were glued together.
I know things will never be the same, but I'm glad I found what I was looking for through out the adventure.
I will miss the journey and all the memories it has given me.
As what Francis told me last January: "Parang bahay lang yan na nasunog.. Diba hindi mo naman titirhan ang sunog na? Ang gagawin mo lilipat ka ng panibagong bahay."
I am going to do that.
One day, someday... When I'm ready... :)
Au Revoir, 2010! :)
Thank you Fresh-Murda Fam, Mommy Steph, KrumPinoy, Skittlez, TEAMFAB, Uno Gang, Mardilove, Chyrpot and to all the new friends I have crossed path with in the year 2010!
Shalom, 2011! *cheers*
Here's a little something for everyone who became a part of my journey. Enjoy the video! :)
