How To Deal

Memories.

Those things that kill me every day.

The way we stare at each other whenever I sleep over at your place..

Those small smiles that we exchange right before you kiss me..

The cuddles, tight hugs, and hugging from behind..

I know I should not be thinking about those things anymore.

I know I should not cut myself to the quick even more.

And I know I should not love you anymore.

I am truly sorry for not letting go.

I thought you love me too

because for the past year and 8 months,

that’s what you made me feel.

I was wrong because those things were just an act of confusion.

It all ended last Wednesday.

I have to put an end already.

I realized I’m drowning myself

in this vicious cycle and no matter what I do

or even if I set my best foot forward,

there’s no you and me anymore.

Not anymore.

I will not lie. Remember what I told you 2 weeks ago? I still do.

You have your way.

Please do not waste this chance of starting over with her,

without me in the picture.

She may not know our hidden life,

but I hope you show fidelity this time.

This time, I want myself to feel true happiness.

I am embracing all the pain & decisions already and I am letting go.