#8 Remember the Benefits Of Moving On

When you let go, you give yourself peace.

Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.

Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.

When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.

If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.

You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.

The Parachute

"Too bad people didn’t fall in love at the same pace, 

at the same time, 

for the same reasons, 

and too bad those emotions didn’t move simultaneously. 

But each act of madness moved at its own pace, 

one not dependent on the pace of anyone else. 

It wasn’t like tandem skydiving, 

where you were connected as you fell, 

where you were forced to fall at the same rate

 and use the same parachute. 

Falling in love was a solo act. 

I knew that, had learned that the hard way. 

You just jumped and hoped your parachute opened.

 Sometimes you looked up

 and saw you were falling by yourself, 

the object of your desire still on the plane, 

not interested in jumping, 

watching you descend into that scary place alone."

-- Pleasure by Eric Jerome Dickey 

No Other Woman

1st movie date with TeamFab

and obviously, we chose a chick flick for our girls day/night out. HAHA!

I kind of regret watching it though.

Don't get me wrong. It is not because of the movie.

I just did not like what I personally felt after watching it.

Truth has to be told. It is a must-see movie.

Everyone can relate because as the cliche goes,

"Love makes the world go round."

When love hits you, 

you know nothing about BOUNDARIES and LIMITS.

Who would not fall for a girl like Kara Zalderiaga (Anne Curtis)- 

gorgeous, successful, and alluring?

And with Ram Escaler's (Derek Ramsay) charisma, handsome face,
 and jaw-dropping body,

any girl will try to be in his wife's, Charmaine (Cristine Reyes), place.
This is a typical love triangle story executed breathtakingly
by 3 of the most beautiful actors in the country.

What would you do if the only person
you love is not destined to be with you?
Kara fought for that love and yet,
she wind up losing the battle.
Just like any other love story,
ONLY one has to suffer the most.

I wasn't able to control my tears while watching this movie.
Every dialogue hit me like a bull's eye.
Even though, the story is not exactly the same as "my story,"
I just felt terrible seeing how things appeared
so drastically heartbreaking
and seeing all the could-have-beens, it was awful.
The movie is a mixture of romance, heartache, and satire.
 Thanks to Carmi Martin for her
outstanding humour in the film! Haha
It somehow turned the intense scenes into comedic ones.
And can I just say that Anne Curtis was incredibly gorgeous
and sophisticated in this film?
I love her swimsuit, cover ups, and dresses!
Over-all, I give this movie an A.
Good actors.
Outstanding script.
And of course,
a perfect story where
everyone can relate their love story to.

Best lines from the film:

"No pressure! And kiss me and don't you dare fall in love with me."

"Kahit alam mong bawal, lalabanan mo 'coz eventually

your body will get used to it."

"Ang mundo ay isang malaking Quiapo.

Maraming snatcher. Maagawan ka. Lumaban ka!"

"Everyday I'm trying to convince myself na mamahalin 

din niya ako pero sayo parin siya umuuwi."

How To Deal

Memories.

Those things that kill me every day.

The way we stare at each other whenever I sleep over at your place..

Those small smiles that we exchange right before you kiss me..

The cuddles, tight hugs, and hugging from behind..

I know I should not be thinking about those things anymore.

I know I should not cut myself to the quick even more.

And I know I should not love you anymore.

I am truly sorry for not letting go.

I thought you love me too

because for the past year and 8 months,

that’s what you made me feel.

I was wrong because those things were just an act of confusion.

It all ended last Wednesday.

I have to put an end already.

I realized I’m drowning myself

in this vicious cycle and no matter what I do

or even if I set my best foot forward,

there’s no you and me anymore.

Not anymore.

I will not lie. Remember what I told you 2 weeks ago? I still do.

You have your way.

Please do not waste this chance of starting over with her,

without me in the picture.

She may not know our hidden life,

but I hope you show fidelity this time.

This time, I want myself to feel true happiness.

I am embracing all the pain & decisions already and I am letting go.

Over the Edge

Wag sana baliktarin lahat ng nangyari.

If I did not stop this, you will NEVER stop.

That is a fact and you agreed.

Ako na nag-give way.

So please, the least you can do is wag mo i-brush off at i-deny

lahat ng INUMPISAHAN at GINAWA mo

at palabasin na ako naghahabol.

Alam mo at alam ko ang totoo.

Sleeping With...

A pair of panda socks... =D

One of the things that helps me fall asleep at night.

Well of course, aside from my baby Bubwitie.

Weeping and praying.

Wishing and hoping.

Understanding and deciding.

Day and night...

Rain or shine...

EVERYTHING is still the same.

Goodbye August, Hello "Ber" Months!

While eating my favourite food in the world

(for those who still don't know, it's chicken),

I try to recall all the things happened in August.

Time flew really fast this month.

I cannot even remember

what happened during my birthday. :))

In a nutshell,

this month has been VERY exhausting.

So many things have been discovered..

Questions were finally answered..

Found my inner-peace..

Highlights of the month:

1. My Cherry Mobile phone got stolen

2. Start of dance class in the preschool

3. My 22d birthday

4. Preschool drama-rama

5. The "TALK" with YOU

6. Got my first tattoo

7. 6 nights at YOUr place

I am more scared now and yet

I feel so free.

My heart, that is.

I just have to deal with the pain

and weeping.

I have to say,

I am ready not even a bit for the coming months.

Day 8 and So On

Friendship is far more important than

anything else in this world.

Damage controlled.

Prayers have been answered. :)

6 to 7

Hindi ka nanga naiipit sa maling sitwasyon na sinimulan MO,

pati ba naman natitirang masasayang bagay

sa buhay ko kukunin mo pa?

Grabe ka naman.

Tirhan mo naman ako ng kahit konti.

I went to church earlier...

JUST TO PRAY FOR YOU...

Day 5

I thought things are getting better with me,

but being left alone is not a good idea. :'(

Inked.

I have been waiting for this for a long time

and only earlier did I find

great courage to suck up

the pain and the fright.

All at once I felt brave and scared.

Brave that I was able to tolerate the pain

and the thought that a big needle

was slowly penetrating through my skin.

Scared that I would regret the words

inked in my body.

Why those words?

What were written in my skin perfectly

explain my life right now.

I will NEVER hate anyone- may it be for hurting me

or for doing any nasty thing to me.

It was not, after all, so scary to do

what you really want.

I cried during the process,

but there is always an end to every suffering.

The pain was SO worth it. :')

Thank you Ren, Karelle, and Lyle

for giving me courage and standing by my side.

I will hate you NOT even a bit.

I hope you REALLY are happy now.

And Yes... Day 3

"What am I going to do when

the best part of me was always you?

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up

and you're okay?

I'm falling to pieces..."

And Day 4...

Day 2

I'll pretend I did not see anything.

Coffee Bean journal entry for Aug18.

Day 1

"Di malaman kung ano ang gagawin

sa damdamin na di ko maamin

sa sarili kung bakit ka pa ba andyan.

Sabisabi ng mga kaibigan ko

'Wag mong pilitin ang hindi para sayo.'

Ngunit bakit hindi kita makalimutan?"

--True Faith

27th of July

When you know you can sleep quietly at night,

no tears fall down your eyes,

and

you smile genuinely more often,

that's the time you know you are truly living your life.

I can really say that I have surpassed

all the mind-blowing situations that tore down

my heart and my self-esteem.

It may have been a tough road and

fighting away pain & fright were not easy; yet,

I realized that they were all just brain-wreckers.

All I had to do was set my principles and goals right.

Mind-set, baby! :)

Simple joys in life is one of the things that fulfill

my thirst for happiness nowadays.

One of them is my students...

11 adorable, witty, and gorgeous students

that can make my day in a blink of an eye. :D

Second is the fact that I'm growing not just to be

a good teacher, but also a better being.

I have yet a lot of things to learn and discover in me.

Without my co-teachers' guidance and words of wisdom,

I do not know how will I survive this chaotic reality.

It is really a great pressure on my shoulder,

but this big lump at my back is not so big when I know

I have the faith and trust in myself.

Handful of friends is way better than a BIG circle of friends.

After all the tests God has given me

and a good epiphany from the incidents before,

I am more than happy that those things actually happened

because I enjoy being with a small circle of REAL friends

than being with not-so-real ones.

Lately, I have been spending my weekends with

my awesome buddies and I must say

they are the greatest destressors in the world! :)

Dancing, hanging out, or just simply talking all day

are the best things!

When I stopped worrying about the future,

tears stopped falling down my cheeks.

I do not care about who will be "The One"

I will spend my forever with

or how many kids will I have.

What matters for me now is that I am

able to take good care of myself and

I am able to share and give love

with or without anything in return.

Life is not all about having a boyfriend.

It could wait.

And finally,

watching a movie or just eating out

with the family every Sunday

made me feel like I am a part of it once again. :')

And oh,

paying for our food when we eat out

is one heck of a big step for me! :))

Dear readers,

never EVER forget to thank the One Above.

He listens and He cares.

Trust me.

I Just Have To

I cannot keep doing ALL these things anymore.

I am not a toy that you can play with

and put back to the shelf anytime you want.

I am not disappointed nor angry.

I wanted this, yes; but I guess,

what I really want is to save myself from abyss.

I am tired of being your option

when you know I should be a priority.

You know my worth and yet you treat

me as if I am some girl that you have just met somewhere.

I cannot fall from another trap.

I was able to save myself once.

I will do that again this time.

I deserve true affection and real love.

"You know what sucks?

Realizing that everything that you believe in

is a complete and utter bullshit."

-500 Days of Summer

I guess this time it really is good-bye.

I love you still.

You will always be a part of me.

It just hurts too much.

This Sucks

10th of July

Oh.

"I can’t think of a single reason why I should want this,

but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit.

You make it hard on purpose.

There comes a moment when

it’s more than just a game,

and you either take that step forward or

turn around and walk away.

I could quit but here’s the thing,

I love the playing field.”

- Grey's Anatomy

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